''Okay so here I am sudenly I get inspired.Suddenly after all the over thinking comes a point where I become extremely happy. Mostly at the end of my not so wonderful morning but perfect happy inspiring evening. This happens to me the whole time. It's like some kind of mental problem I had just catched. I was never like this. I never thought about this. I never get depressed about this. The only thing that I got depressed about was my insecurity of my flaws. But now it doesn’t matter. In fact I have forgotten about them. Sometimes I get so confused. Life confuses me. People confuse me. The thing is that I let people get too close to me that they suddenly become the base of my own happiness. And I do like that happiness I really do. But what about the days that people change? Or the days where u realize they make you too happy that if another second passes and they're not around you would just DIE? What do u do then? Just live on life knowing that there are days where u could be extremely happy and others where you can get extremely depressed? Just because of that one friend? I don’t get it.I never get anything. And am sitting here complaining about this and whining about this.Hunny, there is no use. Get out there. Show them your true colors. Be creative. Be confident. Be opened up. Be wonderful. And if they don't see it, well then at least you can. Don’t refer to yourself as ''quite'' cause boy you've got the loudest mind of them all. You have so much in you that you needs to go out there and face things. There are bitter days and for the matter of fact there also are better days. That’s life. Get used to it. And why are you trying to be like anyone else? You are unique. Be yourself. Love yourself. Isn't it great know that no one else in this gigantic universe is nothing like you? Yes. It is great. I love you. And youre the prettiest thing I have ever seen *smiley face*' ' -

 And that was what I told myself one day. It got into me. I got inspired. I let go everything for that one moment and felt happy. I felt like there's so much more waiting for me in life. A feeling of bliss and joy.

A few months or weeks later, I organized some files and found this file. While I still feel so eager to know what day this was.A feeling where I just want to go back and live that moment. It's very different even though I remember the reasons for that. Its really odd how you sometimes feel that your wide awake and all grown up and in a few years you wonder if amnesia ever hit you. Right now I am 15 years old of age and I feel like I'll remember this feeling of being 15. But of course I doubt it. I realized I know myself  better than I've ever known that person who wanted an even skin tone or perfect curly hair or many shopping trips . Right now I realize that I don't completely know myself. It's like this whole other part of me that I have completely no idea of. This will be discovered by time eventually. Right now I realize that I am capable of so much in my life. I am capable of living my dreams. I am capable of it all. Right now I realize that for the first time and for the very odd of it  I scared of doing those things. I am scared of doing what I want to do. I am scared of living my dreams. I couldn’t find any other word than scared. To be honest I don't know if scared is the right word but I know that I don’t allow myself. Like this whole barrier in front of me that I myself built. I never tried climbing through those barriers. I never tried doing anything to pass against it. I only stood there staring at it depths fulfilling my brain with thoughts that just inspire me at getting some action done.

I don't believe myself in this. Thoughts telling me that I have no confidence .That I don't love myself.That I care about what people think of me. Why would those thoughts exist in our heads if they were a not genuine?Is that so they could teach us a lesson in life?A lesson where you know how to control how we react to them? Or to sit there and just be the slaves to our emotions which are the slaves to our thoughts? It's really frustrating. How does one believe in him/herself? How do you stop caring what people think or say to you? How can you get out there and just show your true colours not being ashamed of who you are? Do we do that by thinking in a positive way? That's what I'm dealing with this point in my life and I as I hopefully grow older I wish to figure this out. For now I'm just a 15 year old confused about this and has no clue what to do.I'll appreciate it if I got any help from any of you.

-Saf