Who am I?

Who am I?
I am a 15 year old young adult who has given a  chance to live in this subtle life. What truly
makes the essence of who I am is the way I observe things around me. I am a person
who over thinks everything..so once in a while I would just stop and observe every single
detail around me and just enjoy that very moment where my mind feels very calm and
relaxed. I have a big heart just like my mother and get too attached to people I like. I
care about how people react towards me and what they think of me. I am a structure that
has its flaws and at the same time its beautiful layers. I mostly focus on my flaws than my blessed
layers. I love photography and have great passion for it. I love to write but most of the times
I lack confidence in it. I don't completely believe in myself or have that much of self-esteem
but that's what makes me who I am today and it gives me a great opportunity to improve
my life in those areas. I am a coffee drinker and cant go through my day without it but can
spend an entire month once a year without it which is during Ramadan. I am now in a stage
where I look back at my childhood and look forward to my adulthood. I change every now
and then which is very common with human beings. I have a mustache or a dark upper
lip that I would want to get rid of. I have very simple dreams for now. I have many fears like
from accidents,hell,dentists and others that I would love to overcome. I am a
food lover and a person who loves surprises which is also found in my Aunt. My dad
was and is still a very athletic person which I am grateful for. I have wonderful parents and
I couldn't ask for anyone better. I have siblings who are the world's most annoying creatures
but I love them. I have learn a lot and I'm still learning. I love reading books and learning new words. I have really bad social skills but I'm grateful I have the ability to speak. I get those short moments where I feel extreme happiness and I wish it lasted longer. My skin tone isn't even. I have dark circles and get tiny breakouts. But again I'm grateful its not anything horrifying. I have amazing people in my life although I want to get to know more people and have even more close friends. I have a little sister that I want to inspire. I want to be something to someone. I want to help the environment because I am environmental friendly and find it interesting. I love music. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up but for all I know now is that I want to make the right decision and never regret it and of course I want to be happy. I talk to myself a lot through my thoughts. I have a one in a million best friend who knows me very well and means the world to me. I get inspired by people and words. I love colors especially blue. I cry for the silliest reasons. I am very sensitive. I figured out I like cooking. I am blessed. I am tall. I sometimes hate high heels. I want to take care and nourish myself. I'm picture looker in magazines. I get jealous so easily because I compare myself a lot. I have a dark skin tone. I am not very insecure like how I used to be. I am dramatic but not at all times. I don't open up to people that easily. My shoulder and back gets numb most of the times. I never tried cracking my fingers. I believe in God. I am Muslim. I love reading inspiring quotes. I am obsessed with Andrew Garfield. I love how red bull makes me hyper after a couple of hours. I eat a lot. I love romantic novels. My hair is very tangled at the very ends and it falls a lot. I love the Eiffel tower.
I love the beach and its salty water.I love traveling as well. I am smart with a subconscious mind. My eyes starts to tear up a bit before I fall asleep.I get very weird dreams. I get stressed because of my studies. I know that this wouldn't mean anything to you but this is who I am and it means a lot to me.

''Okay so here I am sudenly I get inspired.Suddenly after all the over thinking comes a point where I become extremely happy. Mostly at the end of my not so wonderful morning but perfect happy inspiring evening. This happens to me the whole time. It's like some kind of mental problem I had just catched. I was never like this. I never thought about this. I never get depressed about this. The only thing that I got depressed about was my insecurity of my flaws. But now it doesn’t matter. In fact I have forgotten about them. Sometimes I get so confused. Life confuses me. People confuse me. The thing is that I let people get too close to me that they suddenly become the base of my own happiness. And I do like that happiness I really do. But what about the days that people change? Or the days where u realize they make you too happy that if another second passes and they're not around you would just DIE? What do u do then? Just live on life knowing that there are days where u could be extremely happy and others where you can get extremely depressed? Just because of that one friend? I don’t get it.I never get anything. And am sitting here complaining about this and whining about this.Hunny, there is no use. Get out there. Show them your true colors. Be creative. Be confident. Be opened up. Be wonderful. And if they don't see it, well then at least you can. Don’t refer to yourself as ''quite'' cause boy you've got the loudest mind of them all. You have so much in you that you needs to go out there and face things. There are bitter days and for the matter of fact there also are better days. That’s life. Get used to it. And why are you trying to be like anyone else? You are unique. Be yourself. Love yourself. Isn't it great know that no one else in this gigantic universe is nothing like you? Yes. It is great. I love you. And youre the prettiest thing I have ever seen *smiley face*' ' -

 And that was what I told myself one day. It got into me. I got inspired. I let go everything for that one moment and felt happy. I felt like there's so much more waiting for me in life. A feeling of bliss and joy.

A few months or weeks later, I organized some files and found this file. While I still feel so eager to know what day this was.A feeling where I just want to go back and live that moment. It's very different even though I remember the reasons for that. Its really odd how you sometimes feel that your wide awake and all grown up and in a few years you wonder if amnesia ever hit you. Right now I am 15 years old of age and I feel like I'll remember this feeling of being 15. But of course I doubt it. I realized I know myself  better than I've ever known that person who wanted an even skin tone or perfect curly hair or many shopping trips . Right now I realize that I don't completely know myself. It's like this whole other part of me that I have completely no idea of. This will be discovered by time eventually. Right now I realize that I am capable of so much in my life. I am capable of living my dreams. I am capable of it all. Right now I realize that for the first time and for the very odd of it  I scared of doing those things. I am scared of doing what I want to do. I am scared of living my dreams. I couldn’t find any other word than scared. To be honest I don't know if scared is the right word but I know that I don’t allow myself. Like this whole barrier in front of me that I myself built. I never tried climbing through those barriers. I never tried doing anything to pass against it. I only stood there staring at it depths fulfilling my brain with thoughts that just inspire me at getting some action done.

I don't believe myself in this. Thoughts telling me that I have no confidence .That I don't love myself.That I care about what people think of me. Why would those thoughts exist in our heads if they were a not genuine?Is that so they could teach us a lesson in life?A lesson where you know how to control how we react to them? Or to sit there and just be the slaves to our emotions which are the slaves to our thoughts? It's really frustrating. How does one believe in him/herself? How do you stop caring what people think or say to you? How can you get out there and just show your true colours not being ashamed of who you are? Do we do that by thinking in a positive way? That's what I'm dealing with this point in my life and I as I hopefully grow older I wish to figure this out. For now I'm just a 15 year old confused about this and has no clue what to do.I'll appreciate it if I got any help from any of you.

-Saf

More rambling

Happiness.Something we all crave for.And yes I'm writing this post cause it's a beautiful morning and I made some really good coffee.It's just really great how so far I've lived my 15 years of life without going through so much trouble,problems or issues.The only thing I would wish for back then was an even skin tone.Now I look back and I realize it's not that big of a deal anymore.And now,all I really want is to improve my personality in ways like gaining confidence,opening up to people and believing in myself.Which I know soon won't be a big of a deal either.It's something that really confuses me and the same time I find it quite hilarious looking back.
Summer is almost over.Not that soon but tomorrow's Ramadan which is a whole month of starving people during the day.And really I don't consider that month summer.I'm excited for it anyway cause its a very holy month where you do good and stuff.After that we've got around 2 weeks left and we're back to school. I kind of miss it though.The hard work,the heat and of course my friends.Hoping I would enjoy every moment of this summer.It has been amazing so far but one of my closest friend was gone for almost half the summer and just to have some more fun I'm going to be really dramatic on how she's left me all alone with the heat and give her the silence treatment.Haha can't wait. Have I mentioned I think owls are adorable?It's just so much behind their subtle eyes. Would really love to see one someday!Oh and a giraffe too!

-Saf

So much joy&rambling

Hello again random strangers,

My very second post and I pretty much figured out that I only write when i'm happy and when I get to the point where I realize "Hey,you're actually not bad..you got this".I don't even know if anyone would follow or read my blog,but honestly I'm doing this to just get out there and open up not just to strangers but to myself as well.I am terrified by the fact of what anyone would say or think of me and that is completely awful but I'm working on it.I feel completely blessed and happy right now.Hoping this feeling would last till tomorrow morning.

Don't they say that a smile the very first moment you wake up is related in how your day is going to turn out? Well believe me I tried smiling and I felt like I was about to faint.It's just so tiring to wake up and smile and dance around with the morning radiance like how they do in the commercials nowadays.But ah life is still beautiful.I'm practically stuck to the thought that life is beautiful.It is and I believe every word of it.Sometimes you just have to stop for a second there and open up your eyes and just observe everything around you.Open up those delicate eyes and observe everything.Don't just look..observe.Make it like it's the very first time you've ever seen it.And make sure you thank god for giving you those 6 senses whether you have them all or have some of them.

My eyesight is just horrible and I most of the times feel like Harry Potter without his glasses.He's got a really bad eyesight in the movie am  I right?or am I just making this up lol?My point is be thankful for what god has decided to give you and spend every minute of your life making them useful in ways you could bring joy to yourself.I honestly feel like the world's most retarded person giving this well known advice and will probably slap myself after reading this but oh-kay whatever so much self esteem my darling I can tell.So all this rambling lead to my point which is I'm grateful for everything that I have.For this moment right now where i'm breathing in perfect health.For the unchangeable past.For the good thats on its way.Thank you thank you thank you.

More about me

Apparently only 1,200 characters are allowed in the "about me" area so I considered writing my very first post and telling you more about myself not in anyway bragging but actually writing which I normally don't do publicly on a post.This is my fear and am facing it and looking at it in the face hoping to overcome it and realize it's not that bad blogging after all as long as you don't give a damn on what they would say or think of you.Just do it Safaa.I really still don't get the purpose of limited characters but anyway! So as I said before my name is Safaa.I come from the middle east from a country called Oman which is  right next to Dubai.Just saying not so many are aware of this beautiful country where the temperature rises to god knows how many decrees, but hot enough that your summer is in no way spent outdoors in the afternoons.But ah I love my hometown!And yes I am rambling.I am a chocolate lover and a coffee drinker those things are what I'm grateful for in my life,they simply spreads so much happiness and joy from my tongue to the rest of my soul.To be frank,I eat a lot and if anyone ever asked me about my love life at the current moment i would answer with all confidence:FOOD.I don't think I'd ever give up on it or you know "Break up" with it.I have so much gratitude on how we have enough of it everyday.And of course I'm grateful for other beautiful things in my life and I always make sure I count my blessings and  haha I just went pressing all the letters in my keyboard making sure this has no limited characters so i don't feel like a retard after writing all of this,having to delete most of it.I have great passion for photography and music.And maybe one day WRITING.I really enjoy learning new words everyday from the dictionary and am really amazed on how many they are.Basically i take words like they're real life people and I get to know them.Another fear,meeting new people as am considered to be very shy and maybe a bit insecure.Oh,how can I forget!I usually spend my leisure times reading books.I really enjoy every second of it and I can barely stop myself if the story is really good.I'm the kind of person who would love to inspire someone someday but to get there you need to believe in yourself,you need to accept and trust yourself and of course be your own inspiration first.So i guess this was a good start if not then please know I'm a beginner on blogging and that I'd be wandering about random stuff to get where I want to reach.Simply taking the very first step.

-Saf